Tag Archives: scarymommy

Welcome to.. The Club

img_2301-1

Welcome to the Mom Club!

Yes, yes, there’s an unspoken club that we all belong to.   A deep understanding, a common language we all speak, it’s really a thing.

It’s that gentle no judgement look we give each other when one of our kids is melting down, saying “You’re doing a GREAT job” without actually saying it.  It’s the extra firm blink, and head nod, we give each other when one of us is trying to convince our child to simply get in the car.  It’s the “meehh.. good enough” mantra we all adopt, as our kids walk down the sidewalk with no shoes on and gum in their hair…

The other day, I witnessed a new mom enter the club, all on her own.  I badly wanted to go over to her, and literally say.. “welcome to the club..” but that wouldn’t be right.  To enter into the club, one has to let themselves in.

Picture this.. I’m at a coffee shop with a mom friend (I still hang out in them yah know), reminding myself what it’s like to actually speak with an adult other than my husband and my next door neighbours 🙂 . Not too far from us is a new mom sitting, sitting, with her little baby (7 weeks old was my educated guess).

How did I know she was a new mom? And not a mom with older children in school or daycare?

Because second, third, fourth time moms don’t even bother going to coffee shops with 7-weekers, bringing and opening up a laptop, putting a fiction book on the table, and taking the lid off a hot brew to let it cool down, as if they would be able to drink it there.  They already know..

It’s like that scene in Frozen when Olaf is singing about summer, and Kristoff says something like, “I’m gonna tell him..”  and Anna says.. “don’t you dare!” ~Exactly.

Her face said it all.. I just wanted to give her a hug!  And the baby wasn’t even crying, he was just being a baby, doing what normal babies do. I witnessed in her the moment of realization that nothing, nothing would ever be the same.  Her simple joys of running a quick errand, replying to an email, putting her shoes on and going to the coffee shop to catch up on Facebook and read a chapter or two were.. gone.

Welcome to The Club.

But I’m here today to tell you friends that there is actually ANOTHER club.  An even more secret inner circle, only open to those who are truly looking for another way.

You can’t get into this club, without going through the first one though..

Here are the main differences..

In the first club, the only way out, is waiting it out.   “Scary Mommy” #scarymommy articles are Gospel!  But there’s no way out other than letting the kiddos grow out of each phase and stage..

The second club however has another way out – bare with me..  High five to you for hanging in this long.

The secret is.. You don’t have to wait for the kids to grow up, you can free yourself NOW.  It begins with acceptance, true acceptance.  Acceptance of the new way of life, the new normal. It’s a wonderful beautiful thing, trust me!  There is nothing “wrong” with your baby, it’s you resisting the change, and not wanting to let go…

The secret to happiness in the present is adaptation!  Find joy and happiness in the present, no matter how different it is from the past.  Doing this is no easy task, it takes a lot of practice and patience.

It’s an embrace, an embrace of the new.  And LOVE, love of the NEW YOU.  It doesn’t mean you give up what you used to love, but you learn to love your current life much more than the old, and you find crafty ways of attaining everything you ever wanted and more.

If you are interested in more about how to actually put all this into practice please comment below!  I would love to share more.

Hang in there mama’s! You’re ALL doing an amazing job!!!

xoxo

N

 

How To Get Your Kids To BED!

Dear Parents,

We all have our routines and methods for getting our kids to sleep.  Everyone’s an expert, but completely clueless at the same time.  We all need to admit we could use more tips and help! I am no expert, and I certainly don’t have any secrets, but I can share what works for me.  Here goes..

  1. It’s not your kid, it’s you.  The sooner you realize this, the sooner bedtime becomes easier.  Let go of all your expectations, and you suddenly have nothing to worry about.  Because let’s face it, it’s not about actually getting your kid to sleep, it’s about the process being calm and stress free.  If you expect bedtime to be what it used to be before kids.. tv, a good book, hot chocolate, foot massage, clean and tidy kitchen..  good luck my friend.  Don’t fight it! Accept it and embrace the craziness.  Laugh and smile with them.  Play their silly games. You have kids now, it’s a package deal.
  2. Lay off the processed food, animal products, and greasy fast food during the day.  This will dehydrate them, and add to the millions of “I need water” requests.  Removing these will decrease their odds of stomach aches and constipation.  You are only providing them with empty calories, but their bodies are still hungry for nutrition.  Provide them with an abundance of hydrating, fibre, vitamin and mineral rich fruits and vegetables instead.  Healthy kids =  healthy sleep.
  3. Get them to sweat.  Daytime hours should be full of free play!   Activities such as bike riding, swimming, playing at the park, etc. will make for a calmer bed time.
  4. Give yourself some “me time” during the day, so you’re not desperately waiting for it after they fall asleep.  When you have had a few moments to yourself throughout the day, you aren’t as stressed out waiting for them to fall asleep.
  5. Sleep is just sleep, it doesn’t matter where it happens.  Only in recent history have we had homes large enough for young children to have entire rooms strictly for them.  It is a foreign concept to the majority of the world!  And throughout history!  You really aren’t crazy for thinking it’s normal to have children sleep in the same bed as you, or in the same room.  If it makes the process easier and calmer, do it! Every hour counts.  Your kids are more relaxed when falling asleep, and are likely to sleep for longer stretches if they know mom and dad are always there if they need them.  There’s nothing wrong with having kids in their own beds, some kids thrive with more wiggle room!  But make sure they know their room/bed is a happy place, not a stressful place of separation.  **Read up on co-sleeping safety tips when it comes to newborns if you’re a new parent.**
  6. Let go of the strict routine, because in a day, week, month, year.. it won’t matter if they had a bath, heard the end of the story, or wore clean pyjamas every single night.  If you missed a step, no worries.  There’s always tomorrow.
  7. Regarding little babies…“Cry it out” Nopety nope nope nope. Not a method I recommend or suggest.  I believe it causes more stress for both parents and baby.  But that’s a whole other post..
  8. Read #1, again.

Good luck Parents!!  🙂

Sweet dreams!!!